<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>on your side by itisjosh</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008299">on your side</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh'>itisjosh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>change won't come if we don't begin [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bombing, Depression, Exhaustion, Fear, Gen, Gods, Loneliness, Magic, Mental Health Issues, Minor Injuries, Music, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Phil being a good dad, Plans For The Future, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Rescue Missions, Self-Destruction, Separation Anxiety, Sky Gods - Freeform, Sleep Deprivation, War, phil finally shows up and gets his jd kinnie of a son therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:07:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,780</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008299</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"They're okay right now. But I..I don't know if they're going to be okay for much longer. Wilbur's gone crazy, Phil. He's gone mental. He wants to bomb L'manberg. He wants to get rid of it, he..he wants to be the bad guy. I'm scared, Phil," Tubbo shakes his head. "I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do to keep him safe." </p><p>Phil knew this was going to happen, he just didn't expect it to be this bad.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jschlatt &amp; Wilbur Soot, Wilbur Soot &amp; Phil Watson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>change won't come if we don't begin [19]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1939360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>386</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. to shelter you from harm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Phil soars above L'manberg, staring at the lack of walls and lack of his children. He drops down onto a small platform covered in roses and poppies, his elytra sliding back into his chestplate. He slips his gloves on, making sure the gauntlets are tight enough around his wrists. Spending three hundred years in Endlantis has made him so much more powerful than he ever thought he could be. Phil doesn't want to accidentally kill this world by fucking up a basic spell. He stares off into the forest, something clicking in his head. Techno's there. He can just tell, he knows that his son is there. He knows that all three of them are, actually. Phil grabs his axe off of his back, leaping upwards. His elytra pops back out of his chestplate, allowing him to dive towards the- </p><p>"Phil?" He turns, eyes wide as he looks down at..Tubbo. Phil lands again, directly in front of Tommy's best friend. "Phil!" Tubbo immediately crashes into him, hugging him as tightly as he can. "Oh my god, you're here! Why are you here? What..what's happened? Tommy said that you didn't come around anymore because of something, and I..I've missed you!" Tubbo beams at him, eyes huge. "Are you okay? Are your worlds okay?"</p><p>"My worlds are fine," Phil assures him, squeezing the kid's shoulder. God, he looks so much better. Every since that coma, Phil realized that a bit of his magic was cut off from him. His healing aspects, specifically. Looking at Tubbo, he's fairly certain he knows where they've gone. He's fairly certain that's the only thing keeping him alive. "What the fuck happened? Where are they? Where are the walls? What happened to L'manberg?" </p><p>Tubbo shakes his head, staring down at the ground. "We went to war, Phil."</p><p>"But you.."</p><p>"Again," Tubbo clears his throat. "And this time, we lost. Wilbur lost the election to Schlatt, he- he had Wilbur and Tommy exiled. I..they're okay," he reassures him. "They're okay right now. But I..I don't know if they're going to be okay for much longer. Wilbur's gone crazy, Phil. He's gone mental. He wants to bomb L'manberg. He wants to get rid of it, he..he wants to be the bad guy. I'm scared, Phil," Tubbo shakes his head. "I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do to keep him safe." </p><p>Phil blinks at him, swallowing. Oh. So <em>that's</em> what happened. He knew something bad was going to happen concerning one of his children, but he..he didn't think it would be this. "It'll be alright," Phil promises, putting on his best smile. "I've got it handled. Do you know when he wants to..you know..bomb L'manberg?" Tubbo sighs. </p><p>"Um..in a couple of days," he looks down at the ground, shuffling his feet. "I'll be making a speech for- for Manberg. It's what Schlatt renamed it," Tubbo explains. "It's gonna be a festival. Wilbur's gonna blow it to shit that day." Phil nods, processing the information as quickly as he can. </p><p>"Okay," he nods again. "I've got a plan, Tubbo. I'm gonna need you to make that speech, alright? But I'll be there," he takes a step forward, heart hammering in his chest. He knew this was going to happen. He wishes he knew how bad it was going to be. God, he hopes he prepared enough. "Be safe, okay? I'm not going to let anything happen." </p><p>Tubbo nods, smiling a little. "Okay, Phil. Thank you." </p><p>"Don't thank me yet," Phil smiles, turning away. He feels his elytra slip out of his chestplate, the wings clicking together. "I'm just doing what I can."</p><hr/><p>"Do you think it's happening yet?" Phil asks, glancing down at the vial of water he brought with him. "Don't ignore me. I know you can hear me." Illumina sighs.</p><p>"It hasn't happened yet."</p><p>"Good," Phil shoves the vial of water into his pocket, tightening the gauntlets around his wrists. "Is it going to happen soon?"</p><p>"In thirty seconds."</p><p>Phil nods, shifting on his feet. "Okay," his elytra clicks together. Is it really an elytra anymore? It's fused to his back, and he can't take it off without ripping off flesh. "Now, then."</p><p>"Now," Illumina agrees. "You'll want to go to the left when you get there. Immediately swerve left, go slightly down. You'll crash right into him." </p><p>Phil nods again, closing his eyes for a half a second. He warps the world around him, turning it into something he can manipulate. He moves throughout the time boundary, popping into existence on the other side of the world border. Phil dives down, spotting Wilbur nearly immediately. There's smoke and ash and fire <em>everywhere</em>, and <em>fuck he's too late</em>. Phil crashes straight into him, wrapping his arms around his son. As soon as he's got a grip on him, Phil teleports back home, landing in front of his house - their home. He holds his son closer to his chest, pain flaring through him when he hears Wilbur's sniffles.</p><p>"Shh," Phil murmurs, helping him stand. "It's alright, Will. I've gotcha. You're okay," he promises, carefully binding Wilbur's respawn point to the anchor under his house. "You're okay, Wilbur. You're safe, you're safe now. Everyone is okay. It's alright. You're okay. I love you, Wilbur." Wilbur crashes right back into him, sobbing on his shoulder. The force of it sends them both back, and Phil barely manages to catch Wilbur before he falls. </p><p>"I'm so sorry," Wilbur sobs, his hands uncomfortably close to crushing Phil's wings. It's fine, he..Phil isn't going to move him, not now. "I'm so sorry dad, I'm <em>so sorry</em>. I fucked it all," he whispers, voice cracking. "I'm so sorry." Phil holds him closer, resting his head on his son's shoulder. </p><p>"It's okay, Will. I've got you. You don't have to be sorry. Just be here, okay? We're good. Everything is fine."</p><p>"It isn't," Wilbur laughs, his voice wavering. "It's all my fault."</p><p>"It isn't," Phil murmurs. "It's not. You did what you thought you had to. It was war, Wilbur. You got lost. It's okay."</p><p>"It never was," his son whispers. "I'm so fucking stupid, dad."</p><p>"You're not. You're just hurt, Will. We're all hurt. You're gonna be fine. Let's get you inside, alright? You've had a long day. Let's just rest."</p><p>Wilbur doesn't say anything back to him, but he lets Phil help him back up to his feet, carrying him inside. </p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><hr/><p>The next couple of months are hard. Phil knew they would be, but <em>god</em>. </p><p>It's <em>so hard</em> seeing Wilbur in this much pain. Phil's had to create a boundary line around their home and farm, just so Wilbur isn't able to suddenly run off. He's paranoid, he's terrified. He's scared of Techno and Tommy, and the only other person who he's been able to stay around is Niki, which isn't unexpected. It's difficult. It's so difficult, and he isn't even the one who has to go through it. Phil knows that Wilbur is doing so much better than he had been a month ago, but it hurts so much to see is son in agony. </p><p>Phil perks up when he hears Wilbur laughing, his heart warming. It's been so long since Wilbur's laughed. Phil is..he's eternally grateful for Niki. </p><p>"No, Niki," Wilbur's voice is soft, a hint of playfulness in his tone. "I never did that. Look at me. Would I ever do something like that?"</p><p>"You would!" Niki giggles, which makes Wilbur laugh even more. Phil smiles, moving to lean against his son's doorframe. "Hi, Phil," Niki turns to smile at him, and Wilbur does the same. The bags under his eyes are less noticeable. "Will's trying to tell me that he never bullied Tommy when he was younger."</p><p>Phil snorts, moving to sit on the bed with them. "Will, you literally taped him to the wall." Wilbur grins at him, and it's so full of light. Phil wishes that he could smile like that all the time.</p><p>"I'd never do that," he giggles, his eyes crinkling. "Trust me, father. Do I look like the kind of person who would tape his brother to the wall?" Phil watches his smile faultor at the word "brother". He reaches out, gently pushing Wilbur back.</p><p>"Yes," he teases. "You did it like, five times, Wilbur." </p><p>Wilbur grins at him, his smile coming back full force. "I would <em>never</em>. I think you've just lost your memory, Phil. Hey.." he pauses, his smile losing its light. "Do you..do you think they'll ever stop hating me?" Phil feels his heart shatter all over again, and he can tell that Niki feels the same. "Dad?"</p><p>"They don't hate you," Phil assures him. He reaches out to squeeze his leg, reminding his son that he's here. "They could never hate you, Will. Tommy is..he's young for a war. He's healing, we all are. Techno's seen too much of it. They don't hate you. Techno fell in love with you the day you showed up. He never would have let you leave alone. He'd have gone with you, just to make sure you were safe. And Tommy, he connected to you so quickly," Phil smiles at him, moving a bit closer. "They don't hate you, Will. They're just healing. Just like us."</p><p>"No one hates you," Niki adds on, shifting closer to him. "Eret was so worried about you when I told him you were gone. Fundy wanted to come looking for you, and Dream was already preparing to set up a portal to find out where you had gone. And Tubbo," Niki smiles. "He tried so hard to figure out where you went. None of them hate you. No one can hate you, Will." </p><p>Wilbur tilts his head to the side, tears trailing down his face. "Schlatt?"</p><p>"He doesn't count," Phil murmurs. "He's hurt, too. But that doesn't mean he gets to try to hurt you back."</p><p>"I hurt him first. I le-"</p><p>"<em>No</em>," Phil doesn't like interrupting Wilbur when he starts to spiral, but he <em>has</em> to. "Schlatt thought you left him. Will, Schlatt isn't human. He expected you to see and hear what he could, and you <em>can't</em>. You're human, Wilbur. That was never your fault." Wilbur blinks, rocking himself from side to side, following a rhythm. Phil's been trying to coax answers out of Illumina on why Wilbur hears music constantly, and what happens when it disappears, but the Archmage is being a stubborn little <em>shit</em>. </p><p>"Maybe," Wilbur agrees. "I'm sorry. I'm.." he closes his eyes, swaying a bit faster. "Tired. I'm tired."</p><p>Niki reaches out first, moving to lay next to him. Phil does the same on the opposite side, letting Wilbur rest his head on his chest. "I know. You're safe here, Will. You can sleep." Wilbur looks up at him, a tired smile on his face.</p><p>"Thank you." And he closes his eyes, his breathing evening out. </p><p>Phil holds back a sigh of relief. "He'll be okay," he turns to look at Niki, wrapping an arm around his son. "How are you holding up?" Niki sighs, tracing little shapes on Wilbur's arm. </p><p>"Eret's been sending me letters," she murmurs. "He found Tommy and Tubbo. They're out living in another world, they're safe. I think they found a portal somewhere. I..Eret wants me to come back." </p><p>"Are you going to?"</p><p>"I think so. I don't..I don't want to leave him, Phil." Phil nods, quietly trying to look into the future. Nothing feels off if Niki leaves. That could be both bad and good, <em>fuck</em>. </p><p>"I know," he does. "I'll set up the portal, I'll keep it one sided. So you can always come back and leave when you want. You'll be the only one who sees it," Phil can do that, he's done it before. "He'll be alright. Niki. You've done so well."</p><p>Niki smiles, her eyes shimmering. "He's going to hate it when I go."</p><p>"He will," Phil confirms. "But he'll understand. He always understands when it comes to you. Tell him before you go. He can't handle another person leaving without saying goodbye." Niki nods, turning to look down at him.</p><p>"I'd never leave without saying goodbye. Please take care of him, Phil."</p><p>Phil smiles at her.</p><p>"I always will, Niki. I always will."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. all the ghosts we've left behind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"We <em>really</em> have to talk," Phil pauses at the sound of Illumina's voice, turning around to face the man. He doesn't look any older than him, which is annoying. Phil was only about fifteen when the Academy got destroyed, and Illumina was at least in his twenties. Was he fifteen? God, it's been <em>so</em> long. "Phil, listen. This is important. It involves Wilbur and the Harbour." </p><p>Phil stops walking, heaving a sigh. He's heard that word a lot more ever since Illumina suddenly reappeared in his life. He still doesn't fully understand what it is, but he's got the base idea of it. It's the thing where magic comes from. Phil uses it to use his magic, and the Harbour selects those it wants to be allowed to use it. He wishes that there were books about it. Illumina might not be lying to him, but he isn't going to just believe everything he says. "Is the Harbour going to hurt my son?" He asks, feeling his powers buzz under his skin. He's never had a connection with the Harbour. He watches Illumina wince, closing his eyes. </p><p>"No, but you can stop trying to kill it," he mutters. Phil blinks, letting his power free, letting it fizzle out. "Thank you," Illumina sighs, standing a little straighter. "This is going to be very hard to believe, but I swear I'm not lying. Wilbur's connected to the Harbour, Phil. He's.." Illumina closes his eyes, pausing. "I don't know how to say this without it sounding..not real."</p><p>"Just say it." </p><p>"Okay," he holds up his hands, taking a step back. "You've heard of the Gods, right?"</p><p>"You're dancing around the question," Phil stares at him. He reaches out, gripping the Harbour as hard as he can. Illumina cries out, nearly falling to the ground. "I wan-"</p><p>"You're hurting Wilbur! Let it go!" Illumina hisses, pushing back against him. Phil immediately lets go, watching relief flood through Illumina's eyes. "Jesus fucking Christ, Phil. The Harbour is connected to him. If you hurt it, you're going to hurt him, too. The Harbour doesn't like it when people try to hurt it. Listen to me. You've heard of the Gods." </p><p>Phil nods, carefully making sure to keep his magic in check. Even if Illumina is lying to him, he doesn't want to take the risk. "I do. They all killed themselves after they realised that the humans were more powerful than them." Illumina blinks, frowning.</p><p>"That's..is that Eastern religion?" He raises an eyebrow. "Whatever, that's not..the basics of the Gods is that they all died. They made their worlds and creations, and then they died. Skrhe was the name of your Sky God, right?" Phil nods. He remembers hearing the tales of Skrhe when he was younger. "Well, that's..the Harbour basically consumed the Gods. That's why we have power, that's why we have magic. The Gods are the Harbour, if that makes sense. They're one in the same. The Harbour told me that Skrhe was restless, that he wanted to be free, and so the Harbour let him."</p><p>"What the hell are you saying, Illumina?" </p><p>"Wilbur is Skrhe, Phil. That's what I'm telling you. He's a God. You never questioned why he could hear music all the time? I can hear it, Phil. I can hear the same music. It's the Harbour, the Harbour is the one who produces it. It always sings, and when it doesn't, it's.." Illumina breathes out. "It's terrifying. It won't tell me why it stops singing, but I think it's to try and help us. It makes it a lot worse, though. Imagine just being plunged into silence after living your whole life listening," Illumina scoffs. "It's the worst. It sucks," he sighs. "I can tell you about my life after the Academy got destroyed, but you aren't going to like everything about it." </p><p>Phil stares at him. "Tell me. I want to trust you again, Illumina. I'm not the same kid from the Academy, you should know this."</p><p>"I do," Illumina smiles. "How are they, by the way? I know that you ended up soul-trapping them in one of your worlds." Phil laughs, ducking his head.</p><p>"They're okay. I visit them a little less than I used to. Just so I can spend more time with Will." </p><p>Illumina nods, still smiling. "Good. I'm sorry that I didn't know beforehand. But," he turns away, breathing out. "What can you do? Anyways. Worlds have spirits, and mine <em>really</em> wanted me to kill you.."</p><hr/><p>Wilbur is a God. Illumina knew all of his children before he did, and he was the one who saved Tubbo's life.</p><p>Wilbur is a <em>God</em>.</p><p>Phil isn't entirely sure if he can believe that or not. Wilbur's never given off any vibes other than <em>human</em>. But Illumina took him to the Darkness, or to the edge of it, at least. The Harbour spoke to him, the Harbour <em>confirmed</em> it. </p><p>
  <em>Phil. </em>
</p><p>He frowns at the voice, tilting his head. "Yeah?" He's never had a connection with the Harbour. If the Harbour starts talking to him, he's fairly certain he's fucking lost it. </p><p>
  <em>Will isn't a God. He is simply the physical form of Skrhe. </em>
</p><p>"That makes no fucking sense," Phil snorts, glancing over to his home. He knows that Niki is there, he doesn't have to worry about Wilbur right now. "Why him? Why my son?"</p><p>
  <em>He is just my vessel, Phil. A physical containment for my power. I cannot keep all of my power in one place, and he is not the only one. Though, he is my favourite. It simply worked. Skrhe wished to leave from my grasp, and I needed to place my power somewhere. Will was the solution.</em>
</p><p>Phil blinks. "I thought he was just a reincarnation of the Sky God. You're using my son as your fucking <em>storage </em>system?"</p><p>
  <em>Not exactly. Do not worry, Phil. He is alright. It has never hurt him, I will never hurt him. I would never. He is under my protection.</em>
</p><p>"What happens if he dies?" </p><p>There's a long silence. </p><p>
  <em>Magic ceases to exist. Will's death would be the end of your life. Illumi would die. Harvey, Spifey, Vurb, and Finn would no longer live if you died. They are bound to your soul. I am bound to Will, in a way. He is very important to all of us, Phil. He is essential to living.</em>
</p><p>Phil closes his eyes, pressing his thumb and forefinger against his forehead. "So you created a puppet," he breathes out. "What you're telling me is that you made something. That you made Wilbur. That the Sky God is more powerful than you." </p><p>
  <em>Skrhe is not. He is the only God that retained sentiance when he passed. When I made him a part of me, he fought. It was easier to simply allow him to move freely. I have unlimited access to his powers, and he is allowed to live. I needed a living soul to bind him to, so he would not be corporal. So I created Will for the Sky God, and I realised that he could be so much more. So I made him more than he could be. </em>
</p><p>"You hurt them when you take away their music," Phil tells it. "You fucking hurt them. Wilbur can't live without it. Every single time you take their music away, you're hurting them." </p><p><em>It is to help them focus</em>. </p><p>"It doesn't work," Phil shakes his head. "It hurts them. You need to stop doing it." The Harbour is silent. </p><p>
  <em>My apologies. I was unaware of the effect it had on them. </em>
</p><p>"Just..don't fucking do it again," Phil sighs, running his fingers through his hair. "None of this changes anything. I've gone my entire life without knowing this, so I don't.." he shakes his head. "I don't see why it's important. Wilbur is sort of a reincarnation, a soul-link, whatever. Why is that important?" He frowns when he hears the sound of thunder in the distance, raising his eyebrows. "Why didn't you contact me before?" </p><p><em>I never had a reason to</em>, the Harbour sings to him. <em>You were alright on your own. I did not need to interfere</em>. </p><p>"Yeah, well-" Phil snaps his head towards the house when he hears a scream, immediately stiffening. "Will!" He sprints as fast as he can towards his home, slamming the door open. He hears the storm crackle in the distance, a boom of thunder rattling the house. "Wilbur!" Phil looks around for his son, following the sound of sobbing and screaming. He bursts into Wilbur's room, staring down at his child, hunched in over himself. His legs are bleeding, his nails are caked in dried blood. "Wilbur, come on, come on," Phil crouches down, easing Wilbur's hands away from his legs, running a minor healing spell through Wilbur. "You're okay, shh. Breathe, Will, breathe." </p><p>Wilbur screams again, flinching and stumbling back when the thunder rattles the house. "What's wrong?" Niki slams open the door, immediately coming to sit next to him. "What happened? What caused it?"</p><p>"The storm! Wilbur!"</p><p>"Cover his ears!"</p><p>"What are you <em>doing?</em>" Phil watches as Niki clamps her hands over Wilbur's ears, staring at him with nothing but worry and hurt. </p><p>"It's the thunder, it's a flashback, it's-" Wilbur sobs, thrashing back, hitting Niki right below the throat. She stumbles back, holding up her hands in defence. "He doesn't know where he is, he doesn't.."</p><p>"He has to ride it out," Phil shakes his head, watching as his son cries, desperately begging someone to help him. "I heard there was a special place," Phil whispers, careful to not lay a hand on his son. "Where men could go and emancipate the tyranny and bloodlust of their rulers," Phil watches as Wilbur slowly stops crying, his chest heaving. "Well this place is true, you needn't fret. With Wilbur, Tommy, Tubbo, and Eret. A pretty big and not blown up L'manberg.." </p><p>Wilbur lets out a shaky breath, falling forwards. Phil barely manages to catch him, his son hitting his chin on his chest. "He's alright," Phil murmurs, breathing out. "He'll be okay." </p><p>"Phil?" Niki stares at him, her eyes huge. "Phil, he's not..he's not breathing." Phil stares back at her, placing his hand on Wilburs chest. </p><p>There's no heartbeat. </p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>